Pens Playoff Preview: The First Round Bye

Before I get started, I want ask everyone who is reading this an honest question. When you hear the words “New York Islanders” what player comes to your mind?

I’m willing to bet my right kidney zero of Yinz thought of a current player on their roster. Wanna know why? Because this team fucking stinks.

I will give them credit. They played a damn good regular season. Their best player left them because well, the organization is a joke and Long Island is a shit-hole and yet still, they managed to piece together one of their best regular seasons in decades.

The only thing I know about the Islanders is listed below.

1. Their head coach has a history of being dominated by the Penguins in the playoffs (fuck that one lucky series he had last year.)

2. They have two home rinks. Both are so shitty that neither one can handle a full season so they swap back and forth.

3. Their famous fans include Carver High, the producer from Farrell on the Bench and Frankie Borelli, the camera man for the Barstool Pizza reviews.

That’s about it. This whole organization really should be nowhere near the Penguins. They don’t deserve to breathe the same air as Sidney Crosby, let alone share the ice with him.

The Pens have every advantage a team could want in this matchup. Experience, better forwards, better defenseman, better goalie, better coaching, better fans, better special teams, etc.

I could literally go on all day long. However, the word long will not be used at all in this series. Unless we are talking about how Malkin is about to whip his long dick out and smack the entire Islanders bench right in the face with it.

Pens in four. Nah, fuck that. Pens in three. After they go up 3-0, New York will just go home. Back to their shitty hotdogs and life of organized crime.

It was cute to see the Islanders make the playoffs. They really tried their best. But it’s playoff time now. This is where the big dogs play and the little dogs lay. So it’s time for the Islanders to take a seat, like the good little bitches that they are.

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