Is Having No WiFi a Sneak Preview of Hell?

I’m currently on a work trip in an area with zero cell service. I have no clue when this blog will post and if it does, it will probably take me another hour to get it on twitter. Needless to say, I think I’m in hell.

I’ve never read Dante’s Inferno but I think it needs to be updated. I’m confident there are many levels of hell. One of them is being stuck somewhere boring, with absolutely no one you enjoy and not having internet to distract you.

How did people live like this? Before the internet? I’m serious. I was alive before the digital age too. I grew up before Facebook and Twitter ruined our brains. However, now that we are all addicted to being online 24/7 it’s a sick fucking joke that there are still places in this dark, evil world that would deprive us of our fix.

It makes me wonder, if there was ever a nuclear war or a zombie apocalypse, would I just be better off dying? What quality of life would I have with no internet? I mean I could live without my friends or family but if I can’t go on twitter or watch YouTube videos I am probably better off letting a zombie eat my face.

You know who I really envy? The Amish. They have no clue about the pain I feel. They are pure. They haven’t been tainted. Ignorance is bliss. Sure they don’t get to use cars and all have the same haircut but being able to live life without having to look at your phone every two minutes sounds peaceful.

Nah, I actually just changed my mind. Fuck that. The internet is my drug and I abuse it with pride. The Amish can keep their boring lifestyle. I’ll keep mine. That is, if I live through this terrible test that god has bestowed upon me.

So if I die, let these be my final words. Don’t take your WiFi for granted. When you’re at home tonight with your family, ignore them. You can always find a new spouse or have more children. But the pain of not having internet is something many cannot recover from.

Don’t take your ability to steam and download for granted. Hug your computer and kiss your cellphone. Tell them that they’re loved and appreciated. Because one day, they won’t work and life will never be the same.

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