Trade AB to the CFL

Hey folks…. Sorry I have been away for the last few weeks. Between you and me, I have been very busy doing some top secret journalistic research. I was hoping to provide everyone here with a big scoop. However, things did not go as planned.

For the last few weeks I have been working non stop trying to find out where AB is going. I have been talking to execs, flying to meet owners and doing everything possible to build a trusting relationship with AB’s people.

Just kidding. I have done none of those things but I still need to weigh in on what the fuck is happening with AB.

If you go back and read some of the stuff I wrote about Antonio Brown in the past few months, you’ll notice that I have gone rather easy on him. While many in Pittsburgh have nothing but hate for this man, I have been able to remain calm through all of this.

That was until now.

It started with this. Last night at 11:28, while I was mid-blackout at the bar, I see this tweet. As if trying to make myself not seem drunk while texting my girl friend wasn’t enough of a challenge, I also was faced with the task of trying to see if this was actually true. Was AB really gone?

Thank god Mr. Bigchest was here to answer all of our questions.

Many are now speculating that the Bills and Steelers had a deal pretty much finished until AB said that he would not show if if traded to Buffalo. Others are saying that the two teams spoke of a deal but nothing came close to being official. Either way, the fact that this was reported only to be shut down by AB himself is…. well….. fitting.

AB is legit doing anything he can to make things difficult for the Steelers right now. He is throwing shots at teammates, ownership and now absolutely destroying his trade value.

He is running the show right now and there seems to be nothing anyone in the front office can do. All week long we have been hearing about how AB will be traded on Friday. How there are a few teams interested and it will all be over soon.

As the week goes on, we then keep hearing more teams drop out of the conversation. First it was four teams, then three, then on Thursday it was reported to be a “one team race”.

Then that “one team” got rejected. BY THE PLAYER THEY TRIED TO ACQUIRE.

If Buffalo was really the final team interested in AB then what the fuck do we do now? What do you do with a player who is super talented, hates playing for your team but not one of the 31 other NFL franchises will touch him?

You outsource.

It is time we take AB’s contract to the global market. If he wants to play hardball, so should the Steelers. You wanna fuck up a deal with the Bills because Buffalo is too cold? Fine. The front office should just double down and try to trade him to a CFL team.

Those dumb teams up north probably have no idea about the bullshit that we have been going through over the past year. They will take him in a heart beat.

“Huh? Antonio Brown? You mean the fella on that Madden video game and the pizza hut commercials? We’d be glad to take him, eh!”

I am not sure what a CFL team can really give the Steelers. They have no draft picks or talented players in their league. Also, Canadian money is pretty much as valuable as monopoly money here in America so I don’t think they could just trade him for cash either.

Maybe they just agree to shovel the snow at Heinz Field for the next 5-10 years and give a free Molson to everyone in Allegheny county. That honestly might be enough at this point.

That is how far things have gone. At the beginning of the year, AB was untouchable. There was no chance the Steelers would get rid of him. Now, I (and probably many others) would ship him out for practically anything. Just for all of this bullshit to end.

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