Earlier this morning, people from all over the united states packed into a tiny town in Central Pennsylvania to find out one thing; when will this shitty weather come to an end?
It has been cold as shit in the past few weeks. So cold that it is an inconvenience. The type of cold that freezes your nose hair and drives fathers to alcoholism due to the crazy high cost of their heating bills.
However, today, at 7:30 AM, our boy Phil, the GGOAT (Greatest Groundhog of All Time), let the entire country know that this cold weather will be gone soon.
While many people were happy to hear that spring is on its way, I myself have been filled with worry and stress all day long. Sure, I am also excited for warm temperatures and baseball to come here asap, but many people are missing the big picture about Phil’s message for us all today.
For just the 19th time in his 123 documented decisions, Phil saw his shadow. A result like today should seem like a statistical rarity. Something that we do not see often. A shock to all.
Yet, if we look at the recent history, Phil’s big moment is anything but rare.
Though Phil has successfully seen his shadow at an 85% success rate over the history of time, in the past nine years, Phil has been far less consistent.
Today marked the fourth time that Phil missed his shadow since 2011. This four for nine clip is not only rare, it is nearly unprecedented. The only other time period where Phil saw his shadow less was from 1983-1990 when he saw his shadow four times in that eight year span.
12 of the 19 times Phil was documented to not see his shadow have taken place in the last 36 years. Is this a rare coincidence, or is Phil trying to tell us something?
I know that the environment is a hot topic (pun intended) right now. One side of the political spectrum is very big on addressing global warming and or climate change while the other side refuses to even acknowledge it as a legitimate problem. Maybe both sides should stop looking at their own data and pay a bit more attention to Phil on the other 364 days of the year.
You know who has zero political bias? A fucking animal that can predict the weather. He doesn’t give a fuck about the wall or universal healthcare. He knows nothing of the sorts. All this guy does is eat, sleep and attempt to cope with his crippling fear of his own shadow.
Over the last four decades, Phil has seen his shadow less and less. Has he finally found a way to avoid is top enemy or is he simply ignoring it because he knows a lot more than himself is in danger?
All I am saying is this, maybe this means nothing at all, or maybe it means everything and we are simply not paying attention. For those writing this theory off because Phil is an animal, I would like to ask them, if Phil was just an ordinary Groundhog, why have we valued his word for over 123 years?
Give Phil a chance. At the end of the day, he could unify this divided nation that we live in while also saving the world.