Reasons Why Cleveland Sucks: Part 1

I’d like to make this a reoccurring theme on this website. Based off of the content that I see on twitter from those mutants in North East, Ohio it should not be very difficult. There are three places that I would never wish even my worst of enemies to be sent to. West Virginia, Hell and Cleveland, Ohio. All three are equally as bad.

Unlike West Virginia which is just full of poor and stupid people or Hell which is just very warm and full former Penn State coaches, Cleveland is the place where the most delusional people on earth call home. All that they have to brag about is one good basketball player and a museum full of guitars.

Their sports teams suck, their food is awful and the town as a whole is a dumb. Their rivers, which last time I checked are supposed to be made of 100% water, are known to catch on fire. So then again, maybe Cleveland is hell.

The inspiration behind my first edition of “Why Cleveland Sucks” comes from some jagoff on twitter, who delivered arguably the worst take of all time.

If I were to have been in the movie bird box, this tweet is what the demons would have showed me to make me jump in front of a bus. I didn’t want to just delete twitter after seeing this tweet, I wanted to burn my phone.

I do not care if the game is between North Korea and ISIS, I will always watch the Super Bowl. That is simply what you do when you live in America. For a Steelers fan, whose team has made it their eight times, it can be tough seeing a team like the Pats playing in another one. However, THIS DUDE CHEERS FOR THE FUCKING BROWNS.

How the fuck could he be in any pain from watching the Patriots play in another big game? What could New England have done to his team ever. Literally? Since they became a franchise in the late 90’s they only made the playoffs once, and they were bounced by the Steelers. What beef can you have against the Pats when you come from Cleveland? Do you hate winning? Yeah, okay never mind, considering that POV, I guess it makes sense.

Even if you didn’t watch the Super Bowl because you cannot stand the Patriots, I can legitimately think of 124718934713494298556969420280085 different things I would rather watch than a replay of the fucking Browns regular season win over the Carolina Panthers. A few examples are listed below.

  1. All of Logan and Jake Paul’s YouTube Videos
  2. A regional matchup in the little league world series replay
  3. Six hours of infomercials
  4. The seasons of the office after Michael left
  5. My own nut hair grow

I mean my god, not even Tony Romo could be excited for that game. A classic shootout between two teams that finished the year with seven wins! Who could forget it!?

This person needs to be sent to jail. Plain and simple. If it were Baker’s first win or a big win over a rival, I still would roast this dude, but I would at least admire his die hard fandom. But this shit, this shit is just sickening. To think that these types of people are just walking around in the streets in that city. No wonder why LeBron left TWICE.

Eat shit, Cleveland. Or as you call it, “Paninis”.

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